I am here to announce that not only October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
When I first heard about this, I instantly wanted to partake into this awareness. Why? Because…
When I was only 10 years old, I experienced my parents in a violent domestic battle for the first time. I still remember it like it was yesterday. All the trauma I witnessed my parents in a physical and emotional fight at home was one of the leading causes of the PTSD I’m suffering from.
I remembered that there was so much screaming and cursing, that I had to cover my ears and cry to muffle it all up. Even through closed ears and behind the closed doors, I could still hear their fight. My mom was also throwing things at my dad. I was too scared to know whether if my dad was retaliating or not. The next thing I know…
I nearly lost my mom to this domestic battle. I was crying for her and she did the same. I was so fucking upset about the fight and my mom threatening to leave the family, that I wanted to run away from home and never come back.
Miraculously, my mom is still here with me today.
When the battle was fading away, I ran into my room and I was screaming and lamenting that this was my entire fault my parents fought with each other, despite I had no idea what for. Even I still don’t have the answers today.
And no. There was no police involved during the time of my parents’ battle.
Even though this doesn’t really count as a domestic battle, I was involved into dating abuse a couple of years ago with an ex-boyfriend of mines. We were on the phone; we got into a heated argument; then, I suddenly lost my temper. Out of anger, I told him that I hated him so much, that I wanted to punch him in the face. I was just so pissed off about him dating someone else behind my back and then leaving me for that someone I didn’t even know.
To make matters worst, my temper on that dating abuse with my ex made me suicidal. I even threatened him on the phone that I will commit suicide and then blame it on him. I knew right away that it was the biggest mistake that I ever made. I just glad that I didn’t kill myself over that breakup.
This wasn’t the first time. My first dating abuse experience was in the 8th grade in junior high school. I was really stupid to start dating at that young age with a boy who was the same age as me and in the same class as me. I didn’t remember that much of what happened, but all I could say is that even emotions can be extremely violent.
Ever since the trauma from my parents’ first domestic battle to my earlier experiences in dating abuse, I feel harmed from everything that reminded me of the abuse that happened before my eyes from the past. Whenever I see any yelling and screaming from my mom or dad, I instantly flashback to that horrid time. Whenever I see couples doing PDA, I instantly think about the guys I previously dated with abuse that led to our breakups. In the latter, not only I get traumatized from seeing couples, I get heartbroken as well.
That’s why I am participating into this awareness. In addition to my experiences in Domestic Violence at age 10, I needed to inform everyone that domestic violence at a young age is the leading cause of PTSD in children, such as I. At times, if domestic violence happened to your parents, it can happen to you, too, at a different time.
Please spread the word. Don’t let anything like this happen to your children.
If you’re wearing the color purple, then you are on the right track of spreading Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
-Nicole Cheng
October 3, 2016