I’ve had a myriad of challenges throughout my life, albeit the most convoluted challenges I’ve ever had were throughout my years in college.
-Fighting for my mental health:
I’ve dealt with having challenges pertaining to my mental health, such as not letting my borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Everywhere in my school, there were a myriad of triggers that sets me off: laughter, couples, socializing, etc. I tried my best not to let these triggers affect me as I made my way through college and focused more on my studies without having any borderline or manic episodes. I even tried to combat the urge to self-harm, though I couldn’t resist that, so I had to reluctantly seek help for that. It gets even more complicated as I tried to suppress my negative emotions until something set me off and that was when I released the inner beast. I just couldn’t manipulate myself into staying positive with all these students interfering and ruining my life.
-Doing my best:
I’ve had required mandatory college courses that I had to take, and the most convoluted subject for me was History. I fought my entire semesters to pass History, so that I could make the dean’s list. Unfortunately, things got hectic when I realized that everything in my History textbooks were just too much for me. I had a hard time memorizing historical events to turn them into essays in exams. No matter how much I’ve read these passages and wrote them down, I still failed, and that ruined my chances of making into the dean’s list for the sake of my reputation. I was worried of what my parents would think of me failing history. Although, they understood my dilemma and how much I struggled with it. They accepted me for doing the best I could and they told me to move on. So, I did. That was when I decided to have tutors helping me pass my History courses, and I passed with a solid C+. My parents became proud of me for doing what was right and doing the best I could.
-Becoming a loner:
Throughout college, I’ve never been that social because all I cared about were my studies and making my way into becoming a writer. There were a myriad of things I hate about the students in my school, and that was they all had friends while I don’t. Everywhere I go, I’d hear their disgusting laughter, which brings me PTSD triggers from being bullied, abused, and humiliated all my life by classmates and teachers. I also hate how the majority of them were in relationships and I just want to break them off and suffer. I also had the urge to do something atrocious to these students socializing with one another. I just couldn’t take any more of that. I just abhor everything about that. I truly let my borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder get the best of me. It gets even more complicated as I tried to suppress everything within me, but it was just too much. This is why I became a loner throughout college; I just hate almost everybody and I hate the sounds of socializing conversations. I just want all of these students to suffer the pain I went through.
Overall, these were the biggest challenges I’ve ever dealt with. They affected me and my mental health. And sadly, these were the unwanted memories that kept appearing in my head and I couldn’t erase them. They traumatized me and impacted my life.
However, now that I’m not in college anymore, I learned to focus solely on my writing career by venting and writing these negative emotions down to share to either share to the world or keep it only to myself in my diaries. I never knew how being a writer became beneficial for my mental health; once I’ve written my vents down, I suddenly became ameliorated. It was a true relief for me.
I’m just going to keep doing what I love to do and share the world, depending on what kind of written work it is, about my true feelings about today’s society and even my personal experiences that others can relate.