I’ve dealt with a lot of issues with men growing up. My contempt and distaste with men possibly made me gay and asexual. I truly abhor everything about men wherever I go.
Here are the reasons why.
Starting from high school, it was the time of when high school boys became hormonal when they hit on girls. I assume that it has something to do with puberty after middle school and during freshman year of high school. At first, I thought that they were just flirting with girls and that it was no big deal. Flirting is just for play, not for romance, and it’s always temporary. However, it turned out that it was more than just flirting. It was something else more atrocious and maligned.
High school boys and male college students would go as far as hitting on girls and women with sexual remarks, which is a huge red flag for me. Hitting on girls and women with sexual comments counts as sexual harassment to me since sexual harassment can be verbal as well. I get the fact that high school and college parties with alcohol while underaged has been around for decades, but what horrifies me the most is when male students would do something extremely horrific to female students.
It’s the fact that male students would drug female students… and then rape them. This is what has been angering me to most.
What I hate about boys and men is that they can be extremely perverted as they grow up. I hate how men would take advantage with women in schools, workplaces, bars, nightclubs, and even out in the public streets. I hate how men would touch women as they hit on them, in which women became very uncomfortable about. Worst of all, men would sexually harass and assault women anywhere, from colleges to work fields. I find all of that appalling.
I’ve read articles about sex offenders and convicts in the entertainment industry, such as Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Dan Schneider from Nickelodeon, and Chris Savino, the creator of that hit animated children’s series, Loud House. I find it all disgusting and very repulsive how these nefarious men from the media would do to their women co-workers and employees in their workplaces. To make matters worse, these kinds of incidents were often unreported and they all got away. Although, I am sanguine enough that they finally got reported eventually with sufficient evidences from victims and that Weinstein, Cosby, Schneider, and Savino received their consequences either with imprisonment or being fired from their work fields. I am also elated enough to hear that most of the victims were okay and that they have survived. Although, sadly, not all women were audacious enough to fight this predicament and that they ended their lives too soon, which broke my heart in severe sorrow.
I’ve heard of the #MeToo movement, in which female sexual assault victims use their voices to open up about what their predators did to them. It brought me more empowerment to hear that women are standing up for themselves to get their perpetrators convicted. That way, women will intermittently fight for themselves to bring an end to unwanted sexual harassment and assault. This is what I truly love about the #MeToo movement.
Speaking of the #MeToo movement… there is something that not everyone knows about me.
In my junior year in high school, a male classmate from my History class did something to me that I can never forget. I won’t mention his name out of fear, so I will refer to him as Scourge. Scourge was part of the high school football team and, from what I recalled about him, Scourge would hit on every girl he sees in his other classes. There is one time when Scourge and I had History together, he did something to me that will traumatize me until the end.
Before class started, Scourge inappropriately touched me in the classroom where I do not want to be touched. I won’t go into much detail, but he had his arms around me as he tried to do something to me before the teacher showed up. I was extremely uncomfortable when he did that to me. When the teacher did show up to start the class, Scourge stopped what he was doing and then he lied to the teacher that he didn’t do anything to me. Scourge got away with it while I was left traumatized about nearly being sexually assaulted in the classroom. I tried to come clean to the teacher, guidance counselor, and even the dean of students about it. They never bought my story and they believed in Scourge’s lies. I guess it has something to do with Scourge being in the football team, so he may have been let go because of that.
It truly angered me so severely that I became facetious. No matter how many times I try to come clean about this incident, no one believed my story. So the only alternative thing I could do is keep it to myself and reluctantly pretended that none of this happened. As much as I wanted Scourge to be reported for inappropriately touching me when the teacher wasn’t around, there was nothing I could do about this. I reluctantly let it go and moved on, even though it didn’t turn out the way I wanted. Ever since then, I’ve been keeping this to myself from everyone, including my own family and the rest of the society. The memories of this rape attempt remained unwanted and it will forever become an artifact within my mind.
Scourge isn’t just the only man I’ve had contempt with. It’s all the male students in my college. I’ve seen college men sexually harass the female students outside of the school, and that most of these incidents remained unreported. Other students just assumed that it was just for play when it really isn’t. It’s a serious matter and I truly believe that any kind of sexual harassment, both physical and verbal, should always be reported. Unfortunately, none of the innocent female victims in college had the audacity to speak up. I’ve learned that college male students would date rape female students in parties and nightclubs. It infuriates me even more that these male students got away with all the sexual assault they committed to them, leaving college female victims eternally traumatized and scarred. If only women, such as I, had more audacity to use our voices, none of this would have happened ever again in the future. The very last thing I wanted is to see and hear young female victims ending their own lives too soon just because of what they went through with perverted men.
Not only I dealt with sexual harassment and assault throughout college, I’ve also been frequently cat-called by men, which made me very uncomfortable. It even made me afraid that these men would grab me and then rape me. That’s not all. I’ve dealt with dating toxic men in the past. I dated a few men during my time in college. However, things became worst when something happened in between me and the men I dated.
My two former relationships with men at different times became toxic in between us. Nothing physical happened to any of us, though they ended up being verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I ended up screaming at them back and later, I would cry. The reason behind all this verbal and emotional abuse is that my exes cheated on me and then left me for someone else. I was left hysterical and facetious when I found out that they each cheated on me while we were together. I then ended up having those unwanted thoughts that I’d rather not explain what these thoughts were mostly about for safety concerns. Afterwards, I tried to move on from them, though nothing worked better for me. Everything went to hell throughout college for me.
Eventually, I moved on by dating someone else, which happened to be the very last time I dated someone of the opposite sex. During my relationship with this last man I was with, it turned to hell as well. All he cared about was sex and he made me make sex the only priority for us after when I lost my virginity to him. It isn’t what I wanted at all. During our time together as a couple, our relationship became as toxic as my former relationships. He would force me to strip down until I was entirely bare and he would body shame me as he became evasive to me. No matter how many times I told him I don’t want to have sex with him, he would call me selfish and then forced me to have sex with him. Even though nothing physically abusive happened to me while I was with him, I felt violated by his sexual abuse, along with his emotional manipulation. This was the time when I learned the true meaning of being in an abusive relationship: it doesn’t always necessarily have to be physical abuse, but it also can be verbal, emotional, and even sexual. Any kind of mental manipulation is abuse. Therefore, any kind of abuse is abuse.
Suddenly, after I learned that he has cheated on me with different other girls while we were together, that became the straw that broke the camel’s back. I decided to leave him… for good. I then later moved on from him. I began to focus more on myself as well as my own mental well-being. Ever since I broke up with him, I then realized that all men are nothing but perverted jerks. I realized that all men are the same. I became misandristic.
As I turned back time to everything I’ve dealt with men in the past, I came into realization that I was never attracted to men at all due to their history with affairs, sexual harassment, and rape. What brought me light to this is that I once had a male classmate in one of my college courses who believed that all women should only be barefoot and pregnant and he also believed in beating women as if they were slaves. That misogynistic classmate of mines gave me a reason to hate men in college and other communal places. Ever since then, I averted myself away from every man there is in sight right in front of me.
Due to my history of being around omnipotent misogyny wherever I go, it made me realize that I’m a homo-romantic asexual. I never wanted to be with men ever again because of my previous experiences with them.
Despite being a now-misandrist, I don’t always hate all men. I made friends with gay men in the LGBTQ community and I find homosexual men better than heterosexual men. I don’t have to worry about being harassed by homosexual men since they have been always nice companions to me. Also, the only men in my life I truly admire and support are my dad, my two older brothers, my uncles, my cousins, and even my baby nephews. Unlike those perverts from my past, my male family members will always be the number one men in my life and nothing will make me hate them, no matter what cause.
Henceforth, I identify myself as a misandrist, albeit I don’t hate all men around me. It’s the misogyny I truly abhor about men.