What could you do less of?
I could do less of going out in the public world and not socializing.
The last thing I want is to make friends due to my personal malignant experiences with making friends and acquaintances throughout my life.
Doable chances are that I may be suffering from agoraphobia again.
My personal experience with agoraphobia is very crestfallen. I became afraid of talking and interacting with strangers out there. I became afraid of public transportations, mainly trains and buses. I became afraid of going to unfamiliar places where I may not find my way home in spite of the efficiency of Google maps albeit still unable to tell which directions I should take. I even became irrationally afraid of being raped or sexually harassed by men ever since what happened in both high school and college. I basically became afraid of everything and everyone in the outside world. I may never know.
My agoraphobia prevented me from certain events that I desired to attend to, such as conventions and concerts. However, I perceive this as a good thing since I am also highly claustrophobic. I tend to pass out in confined spaces and crowds. This takes me back to this time where my family and I were having a double birthday celebration; all of us crammed into this hotel room and I suddenly felt palpitations in my chest and I was about to pass out right in front of my family. My parents allowed me to step out of the hotel room and into the hallways, which became an instant relief for me. Socializing with my own family is the worst experience I’ve ever had and I am not looking forward to doing that again because of this.
Dealing with both agoraphobia and claustrophobia are convoluted, especially when no one in my family can understand this. They never understand my struggles with mental health, hence the reasoning behind me staying away from all social family gatherings, in which I don’t mind estranging myself from my own extended family. Honestly, both agoraphobia and claustrophobia did me favors; they’re perfect excuses to stay away from the socializing world. I’d rather live in a cabin in the middle of the forest, though that is not happening due to my allergies to trees, grass, and all the plants out there. I truly do not want to associate or interact with any people out there.
As I cope with my returning agoraphobia, I tend to resume doing what I do the best: writing, knitting, being with cats, and reading books. Cats and fictional characters in books are and will be the only companions for me, no one and nothing else.
I may be suffering from the malignant sides of agoraphobia albeit there are benign sides, which are staying away from strangers around me. I truly do not want any interactions with people out there and I never tend to will interact ever at all. Socializing and being acquainted with other people in the outside world brought me nothing but somberness. That is how severe my social anxiety is and it will always be.
Therefore, I tend to do less socializing, which will bring less somberness and crestfallenness for me. I am happy being the recluse I am today, in which I thank my social anxiety and agoraphobia for turning me into this kind of introverted loner.
I never want to socialize with anyone ever again. Not even in a century or even in a millennium.