As a nonbinary person, I went through numerous struggles pertaining to my gender identity. I often get misgendered. It gets convoluted for me to correct non-LGBT people my pronouns and gender whenever I interact with them. I didn’t bother with correcting strangers because I worried that they didn’t understand the term “nonbinary” and I’d thought that they didn’t understand the new gender-neutral pronouns, they/them. Instead, I’d just reluctantly accepted being misgendered and then move on. I didn’t want to go through the whole process of lecturing them about the nonbinary community, especially when most of them are not part of the LGBTQ community.
What I struggle the most is the fact that I still menstruate.
Despite the fact that I now identify myself as agender, I unfortunately cannot control what I still have as AFAB. I cannot control my body whatsoever. My reproductive organs are something that I have to acquiesce as they do their jobs monthly. There’s nothing I can do to prevent myself from having periods.
Buying pads and tampons have been a struggle for me ever since I came out as a nonbinary person. I hate being referred to as a woman when I considered myself as neither a man nor a woman. Whenever I see people passing by me as I browse through the feminine hygiene section at CVS, my thoughts were telling me that they see me as a woman. I hated being perceived when buying feminine hygiene products in public. The last thing I wanted is to be constantly misgendered and that would trigger my gender dysphoria. Sadly for me, there is nothing I can do to prevent that and, as already mentioned, I have to acquiesce.
I went as far as trying my best to hide my pads and tampons from other people. I tried to be discreet about it, and, still, people would notice and still refer to me as a woman. I don’t want any of that. Although, I am now able to circumvent that by hiding all my feminine hygiene products into a separate discreet case whenever I bring them with me in public places. Whenever there is a gender-neutral bathroom at restaurants, I would go there instead of the women’s room. The best part of gender-neutral bathrooms is that they’re always single, meaning there is no one else there with me and that I’d have all the privacy I needed. So, now, changing my pads and tampons in gender-neutral bathrooms is something that I don’t have to worry about anymore. I could confidently open them without having anyone else hearing them. Henceforth, the chances of being misgendered in the gender-neutral bathroom while changing my pads and tampons is low. That’s the best part of having gender-neutral bathrooms in public places; I truly believe that they should be more ubiquitous.
Unfortunately, not every communal place has gender-neutral bathrooms. Whenever I have my periods and went to a public place, I’d have to reluctantly use the women’s bathroom whenever the gender-neutral bathroom is unavailable. The worst part of that is whenever I use the women’s room, I would get misgendered, especially when I open my pads and tampons in the stalls to change them. I’d get referred to as a man using the women’s room and that is a major red flag. Men’s rooms are out of the question for obvious, self-explanatory reasons, so I couldn’t use the men’s rooms either. That’s how much being a nonbinary person in a sex-assigned bathroom is a huge struggle for me. In addition, I can’t even go to gyms or anywhere else where there are sex-assigned locker rooms since gender-neutral locker rooms are still unavailable today. Locker rooms are the worst. Now I know how trans people feel when it comes to using public bathrooms and locker rooms.
Despite all the struggles of menstruating as a nonbinary person, I learned something else.
One time while I was shopping at CVS, I perceived a man browsing and shopping for pads and tampons. When I looked at him, a sudden relief came to me. I never interacted with this man, though I didn’t need to ask him why he was shopping for feminine hygiene products to know. I learned instantly that he’s a trans man.
When I saw that trans man shopping for pads and tampons, I realized that even men can menstruate. I instantly became even more confident that anyone can menstruate, especially nonbinary people, such as I. Although, I also learned that some trans men were able to stop having periods by using hormones, but, still, not all trans men were able to stop them.
Ever since then, I gained more confidence whenever I shop for pads and tampons in public stores. I was now able to circumvent being misgendered by ignoring strangers perceiving me buying feminine hygiene products, like what that man did when I saw him. I even persist doing my best to keep my feminine hygiene purchases discreet from other people. Whenever people refer to me as a woman, I can now always correct them by saying simply saying, “I’m not a woman,” or “I’m genderless.” Whenever people refer to me with she/her pronouns, I finally have the audacity to correct them by saying, “My pronouns are they/them.” Therefore, in spite of all the mistakes strangers made when they interact with me, I was able to circumvent it all.
Even though I still struggle with having periods as a nonbinary person, I realized that I’m not the only one. Trans men and other nonbinary people struggle the same way as I do. I learned that this is something that we, trans men and nonbinary people, must circumvent every month. We’re actually able to combat this by using creative methods of being as discreet as we can and still find our own ways, though still remain open about our gender identities.
It’s not just women who menstruate. Anyone can menstruate, that includes men and nonbinary people. We, trans and nonbinary people, still exist, even to this day.