Ever since I was born, I grew up with the worst relative ever in my life.
My cousin, Lauren Marie Chan.
Ever since we were little, we’ve always been as if we’re water and oil. There was never any bonding between Lauren and I. There was nothing but rivalry, animosity, and, the worst of all, abuse.
Lauren has always been a spoiled brat ever since she was born. To be honest, I hated her mother, who is my maternal aunt. I hated my aunt for being so fucking permissive to her daughter. She allowed Lauren to do whatever the fuck she wants. My aunt always enabled her regardless of all the abuse and torment she has given to me growing up. Lauren never got away with anything and she never got punished for any wrongdoing she has done.
This is why I deeply abhor both Lauren and her mom.
Lauren has been abusive to me for as long as I could remember.
First came the emotional abuse. Lauren would curse and scream at me for no reason. She’s always been impatient with what I have been attempting to do. She would yell at me for only one small misunderstanding. If I misheard someone, she would scream at my face over it and then hit me in the head. Lauren’s emotional abuse became one of my post-traumatic triggers; whenever I heard her voice, I’d instantaneously get triggered.
Then, came the physical abuse. When we were teenagers, Lauren and I were on the trampoline. She intentionally attempted to paralyzed me when she jumped over me. I could still feel the pain on my lumbar from that incident. Of course, she never got away with it; she kept saying that it was a joke, when it was not! Lauren was actually trying to kill me right on that trampoline! And no one punished her for that! Not to mention, she would constantly hit me right in front of my family members…. and she still got away with it. No one in my family bothered to save me from her.
The most disheartening type of abuse I suffered from Lauren… is sexual abuse. When I was about four years old, Lauren would sexually abuse me, in which case, I’d rather not explain in detail about what she did to me. All I could say is that it was invasive and nonconsensual. I suffered from a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder from that incident. This is basically why I refuse to have sex with anyone despite that I lost my virginity when I was twenty-three. Just thinking about that traumatized me that I became irrationally afraid of having sexual encounters with other people.
Of course, no one, not even my own parents, believed me about all these types of abuse I received from Lauren. Lauren never got into trouble for any of that. Everyone in my family kept enabling her. This is why I cannot have any family gatherings with her around.
To this day, Lauren Marie Chan remained a fossil within my mind. Whenever memories of her torment appeared within my mind, I get traumatized and triggered. I couldn’t even sleep at night because of all these horrid memories of her. I couldn’t even enjoy being with my partner without thinking about the sexual abuse Lauren has done to me when I was a child. I couldn’t even think right. I’d tend to be impetuous and manic whenever Lauren appeared in my vivid mental film of the past.
Because of her, Lauren affected the severity of my own mental well-being. I became borderline, manic, depressive, and traumatized.
To this day, I deeply abhor Lauren Marie Chan.
I hate how she got away with underage drinking. I hate how she got away with smoking marijuana. I hate how she got away with running through red lights and speeding. I hate how she got away with texting and driving. And I hate for all the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse she has done to me. All without any punishment. And I blame all of that to her mom, also known as my aunt. I hate both Lauren and her mom and I will never forgive them for all that.
If it weren’t for Lauren and her low-life mom, then I would’ve lived a normal life without any triggers, trauma, and unwanted hallucinations.
Alas, it was too late.